Amy Sedaris on Letterman - August 29, 2008

"I did a little project for a rum company and I asked them if my friend could make me a dress that says, 'I like rum.' I'll add a lot of rum later."	Dave asks what kind of project it was. "I had to judge some artwork. And then drink some rum."	Amy wonders if Dave has a problem with her promoting liquor on her dress since it's his 15th anniversary with CBS....
..."Because I can take it off. I can lose it."	Amy tells Dave the the last time she was on his show, he built his son an adobe hut or a wigwam or something. Dave says no, he didn't, and then Amy remembers it was a treehouse...	"Okay. You wanna apologize now or wait till the next break?"
Dave says he's having trouble with the treehouse roof, and Amy tries to think of who they could call.	She suggests that Dave call a contractor. She says she's been dealing with contractors because she's trying to get a bathtub put in...	"One guy said he lived on a boat. He suggested that I put Hefty bags on the wall, he would tile over the Hefty bags, and smooth the grout out with his finger. Then he asked me out...."
"He's in the green room, you'll meet him...."	"...Nice guy."	Amy had another contractor come over, and she told him she wanted a wall-mounted sink...
"He said you got someone on the commode, they wanna get up, the need help, they lean on the sink..."	"..and BOOM! It's outta the wall!"....	"I'm like, 'Get out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!'"
Amy wants one tassel off of Dave's shows, so he plucks it off and gives it to her.	"You don't know how happy that makes me!"	Amy was at the flea market and someone had miniature sand bags that they were selling as part of a military set for dolls. Amy asked for one sand bag, and the vendor said no, so she was going to go back and steal it. But when she asked again, the vendor gave it to her.
Amy says the second time she was on Dave's show, she was doing a play with Sarah Jessica Parker. Dave asked her, "Aren't you going to get tired of doing the same thing over and over again?" Amy said, "I don't know. Maybe not."...	....And Dave told her, "Oh, 'cause I got tired of doing this show after six weeks."	Amy thought she'd bring that up since it's Dave's 15th anniversary.
Dave asks Amy about her imaginary boyfriend, Ricky. Amy wonders, "If I die first, what happens? Does he mourn me?"	Dave asks Amy if she ever has "real dates." Amy says she hasn't has a boyfriend in six years. "...Except Skipper. You know, the guy on the boat."	Dave asks if Amy is doing anything for Labor Day. Amy says she went to Jones Beach and saw a lot of naked old people, including a naked old man walking with a cane. "I might go back there!"
Dave says that he and Amy could do something for Labor Day. Amy says forget it. He's invited her to Mexico and up to his house, but nothing has ever come to fruition.	Amy is worried because Dave yelled at her during the commercial break.	But she has two tassel. "Now I can make ear plugs."
Dave mentions how Amy's book has sold about a million copies. Amy reminds him that when the book came out, Dave told her that no one would buy it for the recipes.	Amy says she's thinking of doing a follow-up to "I Like You," maybe with simple craft ideas, like napkin holders.	Amy decided that she wanted to start looking into collecting doll wigs, and putting them over her door knobs....
Dave cuts her off, "Now wait a minute. You decided that you want to start collecting doll wigs and put them over door knobs. Now, that's not a thought that everybody comes to." Amy thinks nothing of it. "Well, yeah. Now they will."	Amy says you can attach elastic to the wig, and it's great for a redneck moustache.
She also uses it as bangs for her Agnes Moorehead impression.	"Can I get an advance on that paycheck?"
Amy is proud of herself for the doll wig idea. "I was so happy. I wasn't even high when I came up with that one!"	She discovers that the tassels from Dave's shoes make a good senor moustache.	"Rapido! Rapido! Una mas!"